i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
