he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
