Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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