if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my being single is dangerous.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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