It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
