Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
