no, he came in my armpit
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
