we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
