I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
