I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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