he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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