My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
