Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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