Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize