I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
