i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He passed out mid-signature
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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