Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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