I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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