The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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