I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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