I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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