the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
