Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
