The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
