"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
