I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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