And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this is an emotional support booty call
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
