Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
