So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
