yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
