I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize