you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
