My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
