If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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