what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
