I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize