girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
