I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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