I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Randomize
