This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
