If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
