Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize