I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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