the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
