I look better un-naked...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
