I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
