maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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