i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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