i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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