You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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