i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
