i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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