You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
