Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
