You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
