but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
