I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
