So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
