First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
