Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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