My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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