She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
