White coat. Heels.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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