you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
