I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
