tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
