I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
