Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize