Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
