I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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