Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
