I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize