i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
