I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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