now i know why i became what i already was.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
