You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
