Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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