Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize