how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
