check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
