covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
