The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
