Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can't just leave with hair like that
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
