so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
