I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
