I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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