return my video game
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
