i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
